i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
