She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
