He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
