You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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