Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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