You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize