I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
