did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
