I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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