Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
