Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize