You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
