it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
