I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
