you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
