i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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