I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
