lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
