4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
