the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
