Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
