I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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