Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
