I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize