so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
