Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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