I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
