They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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