Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
