Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
