My friends, they love my intelligence
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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