I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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