The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
