I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
