tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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