life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
