I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
