Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
