white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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