look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
