Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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