Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
