Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
