Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
