just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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