just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
