Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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