Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
