i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
