It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
