The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
