He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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