if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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