pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
