my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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