so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
