i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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