There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize