Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
