if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
