my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Drunk is a universal language darling
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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