im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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