I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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