literally had 100 drinks last night.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
