I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
