tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
